What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
One who requests the autorickshaw driver to drive slowly and clutches the seat-cushion nervously.
One who just bought a case of Bisleri mineral water.
One who gets upset if the train is only six hours behind schedule.
One who is nervously gazing at the Green channel at the Customs clearance of airport.
One who prefers eating fruits to Poori at the train stations.
Basically, any man who is changing a baby's diaper.
One who does not wait, for the coolie at the train station, and hauls his/her own 30" suitcase.
One who feels embarassed to run after the railway conductor, for reservation.
One who says, "say cheese" when taking a picture.
One who has gained more FREQUENT FLYER mileage from trips to the toilet.
Teacher to Student : Last Semester you were roaming with that girl and this semester you are roaming with other. What you think of yourself?
Student : Syllabus changed mam.
"Boys ke Top Jhooth"
1- Mujhey tumhari ßohat fikar hai. (jhoot)
2- Tum meri life Ki pehli aur Aakhri pasand ho.
(Anothr jhooth)
3- Cell phone silent pe tha jaan. (boys ka phone aur woh bhi silent)
4- Hamari shadi zaroor ho gi. (Khuwabon main)
5- Tumharey parents merey parents hain. (Shadi se pehley tak)
6- Tum ne shadi na ki tou kanwara hi rahoon ga.
(01 haftey tak)
7- Tum na mili tou main mar jaoon ga. (Kisi aur per)
:-P;-)
A wife wrote this specially for her husband:
Kabhi kabhi mere dil me
ye khayal aata hai….
Kabhi kabhi mere dil me
ye khayal aata hai….
“Jab tu 11.30pm baje so jata hai,
Toh next day morning tera whatsapp
‘last seen at 2.30am’ kyun batata hai…?
May the joy and peace of Christmas
be with you all through the Year.
Wishing you a season of blessings
from heaven above. Happy Christmas
Two things upon this changing earth
can neither change nor end;
the splendor of Christ’s humble birth,
the love of friend for friend.
Somehow, not only for Christmas,
But all the long year through,
The joy that you give to others,
Is the joy that comes back to you.
And the more you spend in blessing,
The poor and lonely and sad,
The more of your heart’s possessing,
Returns to you glad.
May this Christmas be so special
that you never ever feel lonely again
and be surrounded by loved ones throughout!
Give Christmas Gifts :
To Your Enemy, Forgiveness.
To An Opponent, Tolerance.
To A Friend, Your Heart.
To A Customer, Service.
To All, Charity.
To Every Child, A Good Example.
To Yourself, Respect.
Faith makes all things possible,
Hope makes all things work,
Love makes all things beautiful,
May you have all the three for this Christmasss.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
May your world be filled with warmth and good
cheer this Holy season, and throughout the
year. Wish your Christmas be filled with
peace and love. Merry X-mas.
Before Now you are just ok,yesterday you were better,today you are perfect,
This is the the effect of a blissful season...christmas.merry it in style.
Silent night silvery snow...
Evergreen tree bright and aglow...
Christmas is here bringing good cheer...
May it bring for you...
Gifts of love and joy too!
Merry Christmas!!
A lovely thing about Christmas
Is that it’s compulsory,
Like a thunderstorm,
And we all go through it together.
merry Christmas
May the good times and
treasures of the present
become the golden memories
of tomorrow. Wish YOU lot of
LOVE, JOY and HAPPINESS. . .
MARRY 'X' MAS.
Christmas is love...
Christmas is dedication...
Christmas is happiness...
Wishing you and your family a happy Christmas
with a bunch of love and prayers
Bells are Ringing ThE wishes Of Christmas Day...
The Flying snokflakes send my most sincere wishes To U & ur Family... MERRY CHRISTMAS
Christmas may be many things
Or it may be a few.
Fòr yòu, the jòy
Is each new tòy
Fòr me its watching u.
Lets welcome the year which is fresh and new,
Lets cherish each moment it beholds,
Lets celebrate this blissful New year. Merry X-mas
Sali: Jija ji 500 rs. dedo, agley hafte doongi…
Jija: 1500 lele par abhi de..
Ladkiya apne bf ka name phone
me kaise save karti
hai,
1. My luv
2. Sweetu
3. Darling
4. Swthrt
5. Honey baby
6. Jaanu
.
.
Aur Husbands apni gf ka name aise
save karte hai,
1. Sonu halwai
.
2. Rashid Plumber
.
3. Bhola foji
.
4. Sarpanch
.
5. Hawaldar
.
6. Bittu langda
.
7. Pappu mistri
.
8. Customer care
.
9. Battery Low
.
10. Kamina Padosi..
.
11.kabadi wala.
Biwi raat m kpde utrte hue
tirchi nzar se Santa ki traf dekte hue boli:
Pta h na kya krna h?
Santa: teri aisi ki taisi
M itni rat ko kpde nhi dhounga.
abli – Teacher Teacher! ‘Bus’ Male
hai ya Female ?
(Teacher thinks ‘such a cute question)
Suddenly another kid (Bunty) replied-
Teacher, Teacher It’s Female
Babli-Why?
Bunty-Kyoki Sab Log Uspe Chadte
Hain, Idiot.
Teacher got tensed with answer
whereas
Babli In Doubt again-Agar Bus Female
Hai Aur Sab Uspe Chadte Hain To
Uske Bacche- Kyo nahi hote ?
Teacher more tensed…
Bunty again with answer-Kyoki Sab Us
Par Peeche Se Chadte Hai duffer.
Teacher sharm se pani pani.
But Babli still in doubt-Maana Sabhi
Peeche Se Chadte Hain, par Driver
Aur Conductor To Aagay Se Chadte
Hain. Phir Bachche -Kyon Nahin Hote?
Teacher Ki Saanse band.
Bunty’s final reply-Kyon Ki Woh Dono
Topi pehanke Chadte Hain.
.
.
Teacher Behosh
Most confusing double meaning joke.
Girl: Aaj office jate hi boss mujpe chad gaya!
Friend : Q???
Girl: Main “late gayi” thi..
Lady to Rikshawala “…under tak jaayega?”
rikshawalla “bilkul jaayega madam, aapke liye toh khada kiya hai.”
lady “thik hai toh..ghumake phicche se le lo….
Banta Ek Job Ke Liye Interview Dene Gaya. Vaise Naukri Already Boss Ke Saale Ko Mil Chuki Thee Par Formality Ke Liye Interview Jaroori Tha Isliye Aise Sawaal Pucche Ja Rahe The Jinka Kol Matlab Nahin Tha. Apne Banta Ko Bulaya Gaya Interview Ke Liye.
Interviewer: Aap Nadi Ke Beech Mein Ek Boat Par Ho Aur Apke Paas 2 Cigarettes Ke Alawa Kuch Bhi Nahin Hai. Apko Ek Cigarette Jalana Hai, Kaise Jalaoge ???
Banta: Sir Iske 3-4 Solutions Ho Sakte Hain.
Interviewer Shocked Lekin Kahaan: Achcha!!! Theek Hai Batao!!!
Banta Ke Out Of The World Answers:
Take One Cigarette and Throw it in the Water. So the boat will become LIGHTER...... using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette.
Interviewer: Kya Bakwas Hai.
Banta's Another solution:
You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette.
Interviewer: Stupid!!!!
Banta: Sir one more Solution: Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop (TIP, TIP, TIP...)
Interviewer: Abey Bewakoof, Us Se Kya Hoga???
Banta: Sir Aapne Wo Gaana Nahin Suna 'TIP TIP Barsa Pani, Pani Ne Aag Lagayee', Us Aag Se Humne Cigarette Jalayee...
Banta: Sir If that was not enough, I have one more solution: Start praising one cigarette, the other will get jealous and 'Jalney Lagega'.
Interviewer Impressed... Saale Ko Maaro Goli, Naukri Banta Ko Hee De Dete Hain.
Akshay- Hi everyone !!
Shahid- Hi over acting ki dukaan...
Akshay-
Saif-
Kareena- Hi Saifu... Love you
Shahid lefts the group
Bipasha- haha.. bechara.. how r u friends ?
John- hey m fine .. miss u .. how's u ?
Bipasha lefts the group
Akshay- Arre yaar bahut boring ho raha hai
Ajay- Kyun ? Tees maar khan dekhi kya ?
Akshay- Nahi... Teri Himmatwala dekhi
Ajay was removed from group
Ashwariya- Nice to meet u all.. Thanks for adding in this group
Salman- Miss toh humne bhi bahot kiya aapko
Ashwariya- Hi.. who are u ?
Salman: Akshay- kya Sallu bhai.. bahot emotional ho rahe ho
Ashwariya lefts the group
Salman-
Vivek- koun hai Tu ? Kyun ro raha hai ?
Salman- mujh par ek ehsaan karna ke mujh par koi ehsaan mat karna
Vivek lefts group
Amitabh- hahaha... arre Akki hamare zamane ke actors hai ki nahi is group mein ?
Akshay- Haan hai na... Rekha ji hai
Amitabh lefts the group
Chunky- Bas karo yaar.. sab group Kyun chodd rahe hai ?
Saif- chunky ko kaun add kiya ?
Chunky-
Salman-
Govinda- Aap sabko Govinda ka namaskar
Shakti Kapoor- Aau mere Raja babu.. aapko bhi namaskar
Shakti Kapoor was removed from group
Shahrukh- Kyun nikala usko group se?
Akshay- Sorry.. galti se add huva... Vulgar members not allowed
Salman- Shahrukh ko Kyun add kiya ?
Shahrukh- Tera kya ja raha hai ?
Salman- sahi se reh nahi toh maar khayega
Shahrukh- Jyada natak mat kar
Akki- Ladai bandh karo varna dono ko group se bahar nikal dunga
Suniel- Akki bhai Hera Pheri 3 ki shooting Kab shuru hogi ?
Akki- Tuje liya hai kya film mein
Suniel-
Hrithik- Hi Anna... Aaj Kal filmon mein dikhai nahi dete...
Suniel- jabse Krissh dekhi hai filmon mein kaam karne ka mann nahi karta
Madhuri- Hello Friends.. Meri Gulabi Gang film aa rahi hai.. zarur dekna.
Juhi- yes friends zarur dekna.. main bhi hun.
Alia bhatt- Ha ha .. koi nahi dekega.
Raveena- Akki ... bachchiyon ko kyun add kiya group mein?
Sunny leone- only adults allowed
Saif- oye Sunny Leone bhi hai kya ?
Kareena lefts the group
Sunny Leone was removed from group
Sunny deol added in group
Akki- Hi Dhai kilo wale haath.
Sunny Deol- Action hero se mazak?
Suniel- main hun action hero.
Akki- main hun
Salman- Action ka dusra naam Salman khan.
John- I am Action hero.
Rajnikant- Munna.. jhund mein toh suvar aate hai... sher akela aata hai.
John- Kaun Tu ?
Rajnikant- Yenna raskala... mind it
Sunny- Kaun hai yeh Akki ?? Bata na.
Akki- Rajnikant sir.
Sunny deol lefts the group
Hrithik lefts the group
John lefts the group
Saif lefts the group
Salman lefts the group
Shahrukh lefts the group
Solid Beijjati:
.
.
Ek Doctor Ne Naya Clinic Khola.
.
Thodi Daer Bad Ek Aadmi Aaya.
.
Doctor Ne Apne Aap Ko Busy Show Karne K Liye,
Telephone Ka Receiver Uthaya Aur Appointment Denay K Andaz Me Bolne Laga.
Fir Phone Rakne K Baad…
.
Doctor Aadmi Se: Haan Bataiye
Kya Hua?
Aadmi: Bsnl Se Aaya Hun, baat khatam ho gya ho to Telephone Activate kr du?? .
Sardar ke bete ne kaha
“Papaji meri girlfriend pregnent ho gyi hai, 50000 rs mang rhi hai chup rehne ke”
Sardar ne chupchap peise de diye
2 mahine baad dusra beta bola
“Meri girlfriend pregnent ho gyi hai, 75000 rs mang rhi hai”
Sardar ne chupchap peise de diye
6 mahine baad sardar ki kunwari beti boli
“Papaji me pregnent ho gyi hu”
Sardar ne usko gale se lagaya or matha chum ke bola
“Wahe guruji ki mehar ab peise lene ki bari hmari hai”
Bolo tara ra ra.. !!
Ek chora apni girlfriend ko lekar pizza hut me gya.
Chora – Kya Logi ?
Girlfriend – Kadhi Chawal mangwa lo.
.
.
.
.
.
Water hanste hue bola,
“Sarkari school ki ladkiyan pataoge to aeisa hi hoga..!!
Two expenses of man’s life which he has to bear.
If the wife is fair then
“Sun Cream”
And
If she is black then
“Fair & Lovely”.. !!
Two friends talking:
Hey, i got married!
Oh, That’s good!
No, That’s bad. She is ugly!
Oh, That’s bad!
No, That’s good! She is rich!
Oh, That’s good!
No, That’s bad! She will not give me a cent.
Oh, That’s bad!
No, That’s good! She bought me a big house!
Oh, That’s good!
No, That’s bad! The house burn down!
Oh, That’s bad.
No, That’s good! She was in it.
A husband and wife entered the dentist’s office.
The husband said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry.
Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible. ”
“You’re a brave man,” said the dentist. “Now, show me which tooth it is. ”
The husband turns to his wife and says, “Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear…
Pappu prepared only one essay before exam ‘MY FRIEND’
And in exam he got another essay to write that was ‘MY FATHER’
But pappu did not take any kind of tension
He showed his intelligence and placed the “Father” at the place of “Friend” in prepared essay
And he came home.
The examiner who checked the copy, is still unconscious.
Pappu wrote:
I am a very Fatherly person, I have lots of Fathers.
Some of my Fathers are male and some are female.
My mother is very close to many of my Fathers.
My uncle is also my Father, and my true Father is my neighbor.
And I love all my Fathers because every Father is must.
Boy: I love you, you are the prettiest girl of this world.. :-*
Girl: But there is a more prettier girl standing behind you.
Boy looked back but there was no body.
Girl: If you loved me truly, you had never looked back.
Moral: Moral is nothing, girl is intelligent
But the stroy is still remaning friends.
Boy: As your wish, but who will i give this diamond ring to ??
Girl: Hey, I can’t even tease you baby ??
And girl opened the ring box.
Girl: This is empty. ?
Boy: If you loved me truly, you had never verified that is there any ring or not.
“I hate you”
Moral: Boys are smarter than girls..!!
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water.
Unable to swim, the man screamed for help.
A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, “My wife is drowning and I can’t swim.
Please save her. I’ll give you a hundred dollars.
“The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.
Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said,
“Okay, where’s my hundred dollars? ” The man said, “Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.
“The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, “Just my luck. How much do I owe you? “
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and going to get married.
He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry. ”
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says,”Okay, Ma.
Guess which one I’m going to marry. ”
She immediately replies, “The red-head in the middle. ”
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know? ”
“I don’t like her. “
Me : If u have black eyes then ur name is "RURU" She : Wo kaise? Me : Yeh kaali kaali aankhein, "Tu RURU"
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side,
a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
He's turned his life around.
He used to be depressed and miserable.
Now he's miserable and depressed.
It's always darkest before the dawn.
So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper,
that's the time to do it.
Women sleep on the right side of the bed
because even while sleeping they have to be right!
What is diffrence between problem & talent?
2 boys love 1 girl= problem!
1 boy love 2 girls= talent