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Aakash's Joke
Khaal Utar De

Ek Din Ek Nokrani Ko Ghar Ki Safaai Karte Waqt Condom Mila,
Toh Vo Condom Maalkin Ko Dikhate Hue Boli.
Ye Kya Hai Bibi Ji?
Maalkin: Kyun Tere Gaon Mein Log Sex Nahi Karte Hai Kya?
Bai: Karte To Hai Par Itne Zor Zor Se Bhi Nahi Karte Ki Khaal Hi Utar Jaye.

Nov,18 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Nayi Soch

Pahli bar Jija shadi k baad sasural aaya,
Biwi ki choti bahen khidki se dekh ke boli: Lo aa gaya Bhenchod.
Maa: Aisa nahi kehte.
Wo boli: Rishta vahi, soch nayi.

Nov,18 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
DRINK YOUR MILK

Think you are getting a nutritional boost from your morning cereal?
Up to 40 percent of the vitamins in fortified cereals dissolve in the milk.
If you do not drink the leftover cow juice, you are not getting the fancy pants nutrients.

 

Nov,17 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Kar Nahi Paaunga

Call Girl to 75 Years Old Man: Uncle Aap Ek Baar Try Karo Na.
Uncle: Main Kar Nahi Paaunga.
Call Girl: Aree Aao Uncle Try to karo.
Uncle ne Khada Kiya Aur Call Girl Ki Thok Di.
Call Girl: Haay Mar Gayi. Aap to Bol Rahe the Ki Kar Nahi Paaunga?
Uncle: Wo to main payment ke baare me bol raha tha.

Nov,17 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
पैर फैलाती है

अपने हनीमून पर अपने होटल के कमरे में जाता है
कमरे में पहुँचने पर उसकी पत्नी जो की बिस्तर पर नग्न अवस्था में लेटी होती है
उस से पूछती है तुम्हें पता है मैं क्या चाहती हूँ?
आदमी कहता है नहीं मुझे नहीं पत्ता !
पत्नी अपने पैर फैलाती है और फिर वही सवाल दोहराती है!
पति जवाब देता है, अच्छा अब समझा तू इस सारे बिस्तर पर अकेले ही सोना चाहती है! है ना?

Nov,16 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
BATH TAB

TITANIC bahut zabardast film thi,
Par ek raaz jo sab ko nahi pata.
Wo ye hai ki.
Titanic ki puri shooting
Rajnikanth ke BATH TAB mein hui thi.

Nov,15 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
LIPTON Di Chah

A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja.

Nov,13 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Vibration Mode

Rajnikant ka mobile,
Vibration mode pe tha don’t worry.
Mode change kar diya hai.

Nov,13 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Padosi Ki Khushi

Ek ghar mai pati patni k hasne ki bahut jyada awaz aa rahi thi
Sare padosi unki khushhali ka raj janne k liye unk ghar gye.
Pati ne padosiyo ko btaya ki bahut assan hai.
Hmare yaha meri bivi mujhe belan,chimta phek kr marti hai,
Agar mujhe lag jata hai to woh hasti hai nhi to mai hasta hu.

Nov,12 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Maang Main Sindoor

Tere Chehre Mein Mera Noor Hoga,
Fir Tu Na Kabhi Mujhse Dur Hoga,
Soch Kya Khusi MiLegi Jaan Us Pal,
Jis Pal Teri Maang Mein .
Mere naam ka Sindoor Hoga.

Nov,12 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Dosti Ka Reply

Chahta Hun Ki Tujhe Pyaar Doo,
Dosti Pe Apni Zindagi Vaar Doo,
Par Jab Tera Koi Reply Nahi Milta To,
Dil Karta Hai Teri Gaand Pe Goli Maar Doo.

Nov,11 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Rajni Ki Request

Frustrated Rajnikant: Kuch to Rehem karo kamino.
Ab Ye Kisne Likha Ki Rajni Jab Chawal Khata Hai.
To Uske bum Se Idli Nikalti Hai.

Nov,11 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Happiness Ki Spelling

Wife: Sunte Ho ji?
Mujhe Happiness ki spelling batao.
Husband: Likh UNMARRIED.

Nov,10 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Kiss Kadar

KABHI naak pe KABHI gaal pe,
Kiss kiss kiss.
Kiss kadar makhiya tang karti he.
Ab aap nahaoge nahi to aisa hi hoga na?

Nov,9 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Do Not Use

Aunty Ne Sex Ke Baad Pappu Se Puchha: Tune Condom Kyun Nahin Lagaya?
Pappu: Aunty Packet Pe Likha Tha,
Do Not Use If The Seal is Already Broken.

Nov,5 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Gift Dena Hai

Pappu: Bhaisaab Ek Condom Dena. Maine Girl Friend Ko Gift Dena Hai.
Dukandar: Is Par Cover Chada Dun Kya?
Pappu: Arre Nahin Bhai, Ye Cover Hi Hai, Gift Toh Mere Paas Hai.

Nov,5 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Saza Na Dena

Ae dost kabhi mujhe bhula na dena,
Is hanste hue chehre ko kabhi rula na dena,
Kabhi kisi baat per khafa ho bhi jao,
Par mujhse door hokar mujhe judai ki saza na dena.

 

Nov,4 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Pyar Bhari Shayari

Tujhpe Ek Pyar Bhari Shayari:
Shikwa Naa Kar Dost,
Gila Na Kar Yaar,
Bas Itni Si Guzarish Hai Meri.
Jab Main Tere Me Daalu,
Tu Hilla Naa Kar Yaar.

Nov,4 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Aisi Muhabbat

Tum hnso to khushi mjhe hoti hai,
Tum rootho to ankhen meri roti hn,
Tum door jao to bechani mjhe hoti hai,
Mehsoos kr k dkh lo Muhabbat aisi hoti hai.

 

 

Nov,4 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
College Life

College is 4 Knowledge,
Knowledge is 4 Life,
Life is 4 Wife,
but
Wife is a knife which cuts ur Life.
So never choose ur Wife in a College Life.

 

Nov,4 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Kamar Balkhana

Khudaa jab husn deta hai,
Nazaakat aaa hi jati hai.
Kadam chun chun kar rakhti ho,
Kamar balkha hi jaati hai.

Nov,2 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Naughty Boy

Boy-Tu kitne Baje Uthti Hai
Girl-Apna koi time nhi
jb dil kre so jati hu,
aur jab dil kare uth jati hu
Boy-Notty:
Tu Bilkul Mere ‘Land ’ Pe Gayi Hai.

Oct,31 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
चूँ चूँ

तोतला सुहागरात को बीवी से बोला, "जान, मैं तुझे "च, चु, चु, चूं"।
बीवी ने कपड़े उतारे और बोली, "चूम ले, चूस ले, चाट ले, मगर अपनी चूँ चूँ बंद कर चूतिये"।

Oct,30 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Black TV

Rajinikanth asked 1 question 2 his teacher. & teacher got confused.
Question was: Black is color,
White is also color,
But y black & white TV is not color TV.

Oct,30 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
BOMB DEFUSER


American: Hamare paas MADONA, JULIA, BRITNEY
Jaise Item BOMB hai.
Tumhare paas kya hai?
Indian: Hamare paas IMRAN HASMI
Jaise BOMB DEFUSER hai.

Oct,29 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Night Rate

Chemistry ki class mein Sir ne 1 Ladki se poocha.
What is Nitrate?
Ladki sharma kar boli: Kya sir, aap bhi na,
Kasam se ekdum direct ho jaate ho.
Night Rate is Rs 5000 sirf aap ke liye.

Oct,29 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
शादी के पहले

काफी देर से रोमांटिक मूड में बैठा संता पार्क में किसी को न पाकर जल्दी से अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड को एक किस करता है.
गर्लफ्रेंड ने अपने हाथों से उसे दूर हटाते हुए कहा: प्लीज, शादी के पहले यह सब मत करो.
संता शरमा कर बोला: फिक्र मत करो, मैं पहले से ही शादीशुदा हूं.

Oct,29 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Funny Doctor

Oct,28 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
ब्रा और चश्मे

चश्मे और ब्रा का तुलनात्मक अध्ययन:
1. दोनों की बनावट एक सी होती है।
2. शुरू में दोनों को पहनने में दिक्कत होती है।
3. एक को नज़र आने के लिए और दूसरे को नज़र में लाने के लिए पहना जाता है।
4. उम्र और प्रयोग के साथ दोनों का नंबर बढ़ जाता है।
5. चश्मा उतारने की बाद आँखे मिचमिचा जाती हैं और ब्रा उतरते ही आँखे चौंधिया जाती हैं।
6. चश्मा पहनने के बाद और ब्रा उतरने के बाद उसके इस्तेमाल की चीज़ मूल रूप से बड़ी हो जाती है।

Oct,28 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Maaf Kar Dena


Iss dost ki har khata ko maaf kar dena,
Har gile har shikve ko dil se saaf kar dena,
Akele na sehna koi bhi taklif,
Dukh ho ya sukh half half kar lena.

Oct,28 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Dum Nikalta Hai

Jb tm angdayi leti ho to mera dm nikal jata hai,
jb tum angdayi leti ho to mera dm nikal jata hai,
wah wah
arey thoda deodrant lagane main tera kya jata hai.

Oct,28 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Shadi Kar Lein

Boy during Sex: Kyun na hum shadi kar lein, phir hum roz aisa kar sakenge.
Girl: Mazdoor ho mMazdoori karo, factory ka maalik ban-ne ki koshish na karo.

Oct,27 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
पटना की घटना

पटना की एक घटना:
मुकेश: का बे... परेसान दिख रहे हो?
सुरेश: यार बीवी परेसान कर दिहिस है, बहुत सक करती है।
मुकेश: भोसड़ी के बड़े नसीब वाले हो हमारी वाली तो Suck के नाम से ही उखड़ जाती है।
सुरेश: भक साले।

Oct,27 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Ek Tu Teri Aawaz

Ek tu teri aawaz yaad aayegi,
Teri kahi huwi har baat yaad aayegi,
Din dhal jayega raat yaad aayegi,
Har lamha pahli mulakat yaad aayegi.

Oct,27 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Yeh sulagata jism

Yeh sulagata jism,
Yeh kamp Kampate Honth,
Yeh Thartharata bua badan,
Yeh ladkhadati aawaz,
Mujhe pahle hi pata tha ki
Tumhe MALARIA hai.

Oct,27 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
HONEYMOON

HONEYMOON
H - Hawas Mita do
O - Or Chuso
N - Nanga Karke
E - Ek hi Jhatke mein
Y - Yeh Gya
M - Maar Dala
O - Or Dalo
O - Or Tez
N- Ni..k..a..l g.y.a.

Oct,26 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Daya Yeh Ladki

Abhijeet Bola Daya Yeh Ladki
Badi Rangeen Hai Gaur Farmaaiye.
Abhijeet Bola Daya Ladki Badi
Rangeen Ha Daya Bola Abhijeet.
Ladki Toh Rangeen Hai
Par Maamla Bada Sangeen Hai.

Oct,26 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Talaab ka pani

1 banda bhahta howa aata hay,
Aur Santa se kehta hai,
Bhai jaldi jao tumharey ghar main,
Talaab ka pani ghus gaya hay.
Santa: Oye kion jhoot bolta hay,
Ghar ki chabi to meray paas hay.

Oct,24 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Meri Zindagi

Is Zindagi Ko Jeene Ki Aarzoo,
Bin Tere Hai Adhuri,
Tera Sath Jo Mil Jaye,
Meri Zindagi Ho Jaye Puri.

Oct,23 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Horror Movie

Sunny Leone: Meri next Hindi Movie horror hai, Main Sab Ko Dara Ke Rakh Dungi.
Pappu: Darr Toh Aapki Pehle Ki Movies Mein Bhi Lagta Tha, Kahi Peechhe Se Mummy Papa Na Aa Jaayein.

Oct,21 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Doctor

Wife: Suno Doctor Ne Muje 1 Mahina Aaram Ke Liye,
Switzerland Ya Paris Jaane Ko Kaha Hai.
Hum Kaha Jayenge?
Husband: Dusre Doctor ke Pass.

Oct,19 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Police Ka Interview

Santa Police k interview Par,
Interviewer: Bhiid ko Titar Bitar Karne k Liye Kya Karna Chahiye?
Santa: Chanda Mangna Shuru Kar Dena Chahiye.

Oct,17 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Toothbrush Se

Husband: jab main tumhe maarta hu tab tum Apna gussa kispe nikaalti ho?
Wife: toilet saaf kar ke
Husband: (haste hue) Pagal aurat.. wo kese?
Wife: toilet aap ke toothbrush se saaf karti hu.

Oct,16 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Anjaam

Chodd Diye Wo Kam,
Jinke Galat The Anjaam,
Abb Kuchh Din Nek Kamo Mein Bitayenge,
Ab Navrataro Ke Baad Hi Nayi Ladki Patayenge.

Oct,16 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Khaas Dost

Pyaar se dost ho tum,
Harpal mere saath ho tum,
Dosti ki ek ahsaas ho tum,
Shayad iiliye kuch khaas ho tum.

Oct,16 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Suhag Raat

Baba Saxidas Ke Ek Bhakt Ne Unse Puchha.
Bhakt: Baba Ji, Ye Love Marrigae Ka Kya Fayda Hai?
Baba Ji Muskuraye Aur Bhakt Ko Ankh Marte Hue Bole,
Baba Ji: Bacha Simple Hai, Suhag Raat Wale Din Sharmane Mein Time Waste Nahi Hota.

Oct,16 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Hasimazaak Begger Joke

Oct,16 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Sir Ke Aansu

Sir: Koi bata sakta hai Bhagwan ne ladkiya kyu banayi?
Me: Hamari zindagi jhand karne ko.
After a long pause.
Sir: Aansu laa diye tere jawab ne.
Class ke baad mil Daru pite hai.

Oct,14 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Rab

Boy: Tujhme Rab Dikhta Hai Yara Main Kya Karu?
Girl: Karna Kya Hai Pessa Fako, Matha Teko Or Chalte Bano Baaki Bhi Bagat Line Main Hai.

Oct,14 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Erotic

Yadi aap apne partner se samne se khulkar baat nahi kar pati hai. To aapko chahiye ki aap apne partner se phone par baat kare. Phone par erotic baatchit se aapki jhijhak kafi kam ho jayegi. Saath hi aap aapne saathi ke bahut karee baa jayengi.

Oct,13 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
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