STORY
VIDEOS
NON VEG
This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment. Not sure if they hired him...
NAME:Armando Rodriguez...
DESIRED POSITIONReclining. Ha ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATIONYes.
LAST POSITION HELDReclining on my mom's couch.
SALARYLess than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENTMy incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVINGIt sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORKAny
PREFERRED HOURS1:30 - 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?I may already be a winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HEREScorpio with Libra rising.
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A lion was getting married and all animals attended the wedding. Every animal stood a distance and wished then lion.
A mouse came and climbed to the stage and extended his hand to wish the lion.
The lion roared in rage and said, "How dare you come up the stage? Even the tiger is maintaining distance and you climbed the stage."
The mouse replied and after listening to that the lion fainted. What would have the mouse said ??? Any guess???
The mouse said, "Oh shut up buddy, even I was lion before marriage."
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A for arthritis, B for bad back,C is for chest pains. Perhaps cardiac.
D is for dental decay and decline,E is for eyesight - can't read that top line.
F is for fissures and fluid retention,G is for gas (which I'd rather not mention.)
H high blood pressure (I'd rather have low,)I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, that now fail to flex,L for libido - what happened to sex?
Wait! I forgot about K!K is for my knees that crack when they're bent, (Please forgive me, my Memory ain't worth a cent.)
N for neurosis, pinched nerves and stiff neck,O is for osteo and all bones that crack.
P for prescriptions, I have quite a few.Give me another pill; I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasiness. Fatal or flu?R is for reflux - one meal turns into two.
S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,T for tinnitus--! hear bells in my ears.
U is for urinary: difficulties with flow,V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy", you know.
W is worry, now what's going 'round?X is for X ray and what might be found.
Y for another year I've left behind,Z is for zest that I still have my mind.
Have survived all the symptoms my body's deployed,And kept twenty-six doctors gainfully employed!
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3 Idiots Part 2
Rancho: Smiling
Teacher: Aap Muskura Kyon Rahe Ho?
Rancho: Bahut Dino Se Facebook Mein Account Banane Ki Ichha Thi...Aaj Bana Diya Hai...Bahut Maza Aa Raha Hai!
Teacher: Zyada Maza Lene Ki Zarurat Nahi Hai. Tell Me, What is a Post?
Rancho: Anything that is posted on Facebook is a Post, Sir.
Teacher: Can you please elaborate?
Rancho: Sir...Jo Bhi Facebook Pe Log Daalte Hain Post Hai Sir. Ghumne Gaye...Photo Daal Diya! Post Hai Sir.Match Dekha, Score Daal Diya! Post hai Sir.Sir Actually Hum Posts Se Ghire Hue Hain Sir!Katrina Ki Pic Se Ronaldo Ki Kick Tak! Sab Post Hai Sir! Ek Second Mein Comment, Ek Second Mein Like!Comment-Like...Comment-Like...
Teacher: Shut up! Account Banake Ye Karoge?Comment-Like...Comment-Like...?
Haan Chatur, Tum Batao.
Chatur: Pictures, texts or videos posted through mobile or tablet or laptop or desktop via different operating systems using internet on Facebook is called a Post.
Teacher: Excellent!
Rancho: Par Sir Maine Bhi To Wahi Bola Seedhe Shabdo Mein.
Teacher: Seedhe Shabdo Mein Karna Hai To Orkut Ya Twitter Ke Pages Pe Account Banao.
Rancho: Par Sir Dusre Sites Bhi To.
Teacher: Get out!
Rancho: Why sir?
Teacher: Seedhe Shabdo Mein Bahar Jaiye.
Rancho goes out and comes back.
Teacher: Kya Hua?
Rancho: Kuch Bhool Geya Tha Sir.
Teacher: Kya?
Rancho: A utility button given to us, to protect our private data i.e. pictures, messages or personal information for being stolen or used for bad purpose by hackers or anyone else.
Teacher: Arre, Kehna Kya Chahte Ho?
Rancho: Logout Sir! Logout Karna Bhool Geya Tha.
Teacher: To Seedha Seedha Nahi Bol Sakte The?
Rancho: Thodi Der Pehle Try Kiya Tha Sir, Aapko Pasand Nahi Aaya!********************************A group of Canadians were travelling by tour bus through Holland.
As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced.
She then asked, "What do you do in Canada with your old goats that aren't producing?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours."
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An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut, but he tells the barber he probably can't get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened If he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
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Once a divorce case was being settled in court and the Judge asked the little kid of the couple, "Little boy, would you like to stay with your father!" The kid said, "No he beats me everyday!" The judge asked him, "So you want to stay with your mother?" He replied, "No! She also beats me!" Now the judge got a little confused and asked the boy sternly, "Well who do you want to stay with in that case?" The kid answered, "I want to stay with the Indian Cricket Team, because it never beats anyone."
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Break-Up Ke Baad Aisa
Lagta Hai, Jaise
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Ke Saala Har Sad Song Apne Liye
Hi Likha Gaya....
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1: Notice at Church Do not leave your mobile, purses, wallets, hand-bags, girlfriends unattended; others may think it is an answer to their prayers.
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Patni: Chalo Ek Khel Khelte Hain... Main Chhupti Hoon Aur Aap Mujhe Dhoondhna. Agar Aapne Dhoondh Liya Toh Main Aapke Saath Shopping Karne Chalungi.Pati: Aur Agar Nahin Dhoondh Paya Toh ?Patni: Aaisa Mat Kaho Jaanu...... Bas Darwaje Ke Peechhe Hee Chhupoongi ...!!!
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ekdin teacher ney apni ek student se pucha, deep ye batao duniya mei abhi bhi kaun si jaga pe adi manav rehete hei..
Deep: ftv channel pe.
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Girls should not study much..
kyu..
socho
socho
kyu ke
Is dunia k kisi kone me koi na koi gadha us k liye padh hi rha hoga
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Santa Ki Ladaai Apne Baap Se Ho
Gayi To Usne Apne
Baap Ki Photo Kabristaan Me
Ek Ped Pe Latka Di
Aur Neeche Likh Dia
COMING SOON
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Husband & Wife were Fighting
Husband: SaLi KUTTI!
Wife: SaLa KUTTA!
The ChiLd was near, he Says
Mai SaLa PUPPY
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Teachr:-john ne raat ko khana khaya is ka Future Tens kya hoga......
Student :-"John subah ko uth kar potty karega.
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1 admi-eye operetion k badh.
Dr, mai nahi dekh sakta.
Dr ne nurs ke kapde utar diye.
Dr,bola-ab dikhta hai..
Admi-nahi.
Dr-madarchod fir land kaise khada ho gya.
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Wife:kal 3 chor aye aur mera zordar rape kar k chale gaye
husband: tumne unhe roka nahi..Wife: bahut kaha rukne ko, bole ab aur takat nahi hai, kal phir ayenge!
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q)what do we call if petrol is leaking frow a maruti car.. ... a) maruti SUSU.ki :-p
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Santa aeroplane me pehli bar safar kar raha tha
Seet se utkar vah kebin me gaya
Paylat ne kan me jo speekers laga rakhe the
Santa ne dhodkar un speekers ko le liye
Aur bola
Ticket tho mene ktaya aur gaane thu sun raha hai
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Girl to boy: Tum ladke kisi Ladki me sub se pehle kya dekhte ho....
Boy: Yeh to depend karta hai ki Ladki aa rahi hai ya ja rahi hai..!
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Santa Ne god Se Pucha Kya Mai Agle Janam Me Gadha Ban Sakta Hoon..
God Ne Jawab Diyaaap iss suvidha ka labh pehle hi le chuke hai.
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Dosti aur pyar nadi pe gumne gye
pyar nadi me gir gya
Qki pyar andha hota H
uske piche dosti bi gir gai
Qki dosti kisi ka sath nhi chodth.
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husband ki khane me bal gira us ne wife se bola agli bar bal gira to saj ni se gajni kor dunge
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Ladki subah subah apne bf ko call
karti he...
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Girl:
~ mela sona,
~ mela baby
~ mela pyala sa baby
~ mela cutu cutypie
~ mela good wala bacha
~ kya kal laha he mela bhondu
bacha?
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Bf : kitne paise chahie bol ?
subah subah maska mat maar.
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Pappu Ka Dost Uske Ghar
Pehli Baar Gaya..!
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Yaar Pappu, Tera Ladka
Ekdam Tere Jaisa
Dikhta Hai..!!
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Pappu: Arey Saale Dheere
Bol Marwayega Kya...??
Kaamwali Ka Ladka Hai,
Ghar Mein Khelne Aya
Hai...
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India: A country where we respect everything frm a river to a piece of land as Mother but can't ensure the safety n dignity of women.
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Sense of Responsibility-
Man goes to library asks for book on suicide.
Librarian looks him says: "hello, who will return the book ??"
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A kid wrote to Santa Claus: Send me a brother! Santa wrote back: Send me ur mother
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Raste me ek pari milti hai,
Pari- "ek-ek wish batao main poori karugi."
1st.-"Mujhe gora aur khubsurat kardo." Pari ne kar dia.
2nd- "mujhe bhi aisa kar do." Pari ne kar diya.
3rd zor zor se hasne laga or phir bola........
" Inko wapas pehle jaisa kardo......?
Moral- Dost bohot kamine hote hai....
dedicated 2 all kamine frnds.
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This is Super..
"Murgi aur Kauwa ki shadi fix ho gyi..."
Upset Murga murgi se bola- aakhir mujme kya kami thi... tumhari caste ka tha... us kauwa me aisa kya tha
Murgi boli ''Amma abba ki khwaish thi ki ladka airforce me hona chahiye''
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Stages of life:
1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don't believe in Santa Claus
3. You are Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus
Merry Christmas!
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Christmas may be many things
or it may be a few.
For you, the joy
is each new toy;
for me;
it’s watching U.
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I wish U Lovely X-mas
I wish U Favorable ”
I wish U Enjoyable ”
U shall not Lack in this X-mas
thy Lord shall provide to U!
Merry X-Mas.
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Christmas waves a
magic wand over this world,
and behold,
everything is softer and more beautiful.
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The Best of JOY
The Best of CHEER
For CHRISTMAS & the
coming YEAR
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May your world be filled with warmth and good chear this Holy season, and throughout the year.Wish your christmas be filled with peace and love. Merry X-mas
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Jingle Bells are ringing the wishes of Christmas. Sending the warmest Christmas wishes on soft snowflakes just for you!
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May this Christmas end the present year
On a cheerful note and make way
For a fresh and bright new year.
Here’s wishing you a
Merry Christmas and a very very happy new year..
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I am dreaming of white Christmas ,
With every christmas card i write,
May your days be merry and bright,
And May all your christmases be white.
Marry Christmas to all
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Christmas is not a time nor a season,
But a state of mind.
To cherish peace and goodwill,
To be plenteous in mercy,
Is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
Merry X-Mas
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Its DECEMBER..
It is the month of
Cakes and Candles,
Snow and Songs,
Carols and Joys,
MARRY 'X' MAS. Christmas sms
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Lòve còmè dòwn at Çhristmàs;
Lòvè àll lòvely, lòve divinè;
Lòvè wàs bòrn at Çhristmàs,
Stàrs & àngèls gàvè thè sign.
Mèrry Chrístmàs
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Two things upon this changing earth can neither change nor end,
the splendor of Christ’s humble birth, the love of friend for friend.
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May lovely, happy times decorate this time of the season.
May warm, special memories brighten your new year.
May the wonder of Christmas be with you forever.
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Ì wish Ú this Chrístmàs enriches ur lífe
Mày eàch day b hàppy & bríght,
Óverflòwíng with pleàsure & lòve
Mày ur Chrístmàs be filled with delíght
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Kehte hai dil se aankhe band karo -
To life me jisko pyaar kiya
Uski tasveer dikhti hai....
Toh maine bhi try kiya,
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SLIDESHOW start ho gaya..!!!
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